IT SURE WAS MONDAY....

You know how Monday's just seem hectic, well this one was no exception. The day started a little behind. I went to the gym about 30 minutes late and therefore got home about 30 minutes late. I left late because Cooper was just very fussy. I always feel bad waking Terry up at 4:30 am to take Coop when I am going to the gym to workout. It just seems selfish. So I waited to get him back to sleep. I guess he didn't stay asleep though because when I got home Terry was not too cheery :). Karli is staying with us this week because Lisa is on vacation. Therefore, I didn't really have to get the kids ready so I made the 30 minutes up pretty quickly. Raelynn is going through a phase right now where she doesn't want me ever to leave her so we had our morning cry when I left. I say "our" because when I leave and she is crying and begging me not to go I barely make it to the car before I am crying to. I wish I could stay with her I really do but I know I have to work. I have to work financially yes, but I truly think if I didn't I would be miserable. I just wish I could do both. So I made it to work on time now that Tom changed our office hours from 8:30am to 9am. This was the best thing ever. I am so much more relaxed in the mornings not stressing about being late and the funny thing is I am usually there now earlier than I was before. Anyway, so back to my day, work was chaos of course seeing as it was Monday and it is a short week. Jill was just leaving for lunch when I got a call from Karli. Cooper was throwing up and wouldn't stop crying and I could tell Karli couldn't either. I stopped Jill and begged for a lunch change and was out the door. When I got home Cooper was calmed but still pretty irritable. I am quite sure we are experiencing withdraw issues again as Sunday was another cut back on his Methadone and Adivan and he did not seem to be taking it too well. He is throwing up, sweating, itching and has diarrhea, all signs of withdraw. So I assured Karli I understood how scary it all was and how overwhelmed you can feel. I felt so bad for her because I really do know. I spent at least the first 2 days home crying because I never thought I could handle this. So I loaded Cooper, his medicine, his food and feeding pump, diaper bag, a few toys and his play mat and out the door we went back to work. Of course Raelynn loved this, remember she wanted to go with me this morning. We convinced her that she and Karli would have much more fun at the park. I got back to the chaos at work and thankfully Cooper fell asleep after about an hour. He slept all afternoon!!!! This was great for work but is sure to be hell tonight. Anyway, we are still fighting the withdraw this evening and I plan to call the doctors in the morning to see what they think. There is such a fine line we have to walk to make sure that he does not withdraw so hard that it causes problems with his heart but yet push it far enough that we get him off these drugs. Mommies shouldn't have to worry about this stuff. However, I am so thankful I have him to worry about. In between all of this I was also trying to get his Methadone prescription refilled. It is a controlled substance so the prescription cannot be faxed or called in. This left me with 3 options; pick it up at CMH in KC, drive to CMH in KC to pick up the written prescription or convince my local pediatrician to write the prescription and hand deliver it to my pharmacy. Of course I opted for the 3rd and called begging. They are the greatest people and the nurse we always look forward to seeing, Jill, took care of everything. I was able to pick it up right after work. Cooper and I rushed home after picking up the prescription just in time to tell Raelynn goodbye as she got to go with Aunt Bonnie to Tristen's baseball game. She looked so cute going off with Aunt Bonnie and she had a great time. She was most excited about the fact that Aunt Bonnie packed cheese and fruit for their picnic. She told me she ate all but 3 of the cheeses. I asked her what Aunt Bonnie ate and she said, "She's wasn't hungry!" It was so cute. So tomorrow is sure to bring its own "fun" and we will work through that too. Tomorrow is Raelynn's actual birthday and I want to do everything in my power to make it a special day for her!

RAELYNN'S PARTY WAS A SUCCESS....

Saturday we celebrated Raelynn's 3rd birthday. I can hardly believe it has already been 3 years. She is so grown up and the past 3 years with her have been the best of my entire life. We started Saturday morning with a new dress, of course! Then Raelynn, Karli and I went to get manicures and pedicures. Raelynn was so cute and loved it! Then we finished gathering last minute items for the party. Her party started at 4pm and things went great. Raelynn had a fantastic time with all her friends and just having a day where Mommy let her eat anything she wanted and stay up late. What more could a little girl want? She got so many wonderful gifts and she truly enjoyed her day!

Cooper is doing well also. I think we are going through some more withdraw issues as we cut his methadone and adivan down to 1X per day. We have an appointment with our pediatrician and our cardiologist this week so there is sure to be some new news regarding Cooper. He is looking great though and for the most part seems to be very happy. We had to replace his NG tube tonight just because it had been in for awhile and so we pulled it out about 7pm and did not have to put it back until about 9pm. As Karli said, "he looked so normal" and she was right. It was so good to see him with out the tube. I gave him a bath and for the first time did not have to worry about getting it wet or the end getting down in the tub. It will be so great when it is gone for good.

I

I feel so fortunate to have my babies and my family and friends, and as I sit here tonight I cannot help but feel so deeply sad. Before I updated my blog I read Taylor's and I cannot even wrap my mind or heart around how she must feel. Please keep her and Josh in your prayers because although I know their son will always be with them, the emptiness they must feel right now is sure to be paralyzing and they will need all our prayers to make their lives feel purposeful again. Another tragedy occurred this weekend as a friend of mine was hit on his bike Saturday morning and killed. Dave Dillon was a great guy. He had taken my Boot Camp class for awhile and then we spent a few months running together in the mornings. I hadn't seen him for quite awhile when Terry and I ran into him at T's. I am so glad I got to hug him and tell him I had missed him. This just shows that we do not know what any one day has in store for us and therefore we should always remember what and who is important. I think my kids probably think I am crazy but there is not a morning or night or anytime in between when I am with them I do not remind them how much I love them. I hold them when they ask, I kiss them when they smile or cry and I will allow them to grow and become their own people but never without telling them that they are my world! If I have learned nothing else over the last few months it is that things can change on a dime and much I have no control of. Therefore, the things I do, I will do my very best to portray my love and respect I have for my family and friends and life in general.

WELCOME HOME BABY NATHAN....

I was not able to make this post yesterday as the subject just hit too close to home. Nathan was born yesterday and was called home just minutes later. I do not know many details at this time but do know that his amazing Mom, Taylor and Dad, Josh were able to spend a few hours holding their precious gift. Nathan is at home with God and I know looking down on his Mom and Dad and feeling so proud of the parents he was given.

MY KIDS ARE THE GREATEST.....

Things are going really well. Cooper is sleeping through the night and does not even wake when we feed him and give him his meds. Wish we could sleep through the night!!!! He has had a couple spit ups but nothing compared to how he was. Last night I started back in with the massage therapy with him and you would not have believed how happy this made him. He was smiling and even laughing out loud. Raelynn also got a massage after Cooper and so I think we will be back to our nightly massages before bedtime. They both love them but who wouldn't! Raelynn was truly a doll last night. She was eating dinner and I was lying with Cooper in the living room because he was having one of his "I want to throw up" spells. Out of the blue Raelynn says, "Mommy you are the best Mom in the whole life". Now I realize that "in the whole life" doesn't make a lot of sense but you get her point and it was so sweet. She tells me all the time she loves me and is glad I'm her Mommy. Oh if this can just last until she is 25! Hahaha. Anyway, then we were talking that we needed to plant a tree for Cooper because we have 3 trees in our yard and she and Terry a long time ago designated one for her, one for me and one for Terry. Well anyway when I told her we needed to plant a tree for Cooper she said we didn't because she would share her tree with Cooper. I told her how sweet that was and she simple said, it's for Cooper! Are you understanding why I am so in love with this girl!!!

Yesterday Lisa sent me some pics of the kids. They are so cute and I love to see what they do while I am at work. Lisa has two boys Noah and Jarod. Noah loves Raelynn and Cooper so much and seems to always be helping with them. Jarod has a brotherly love for them as well which allows him to love them some days and be bothered by them on others. It is all so cute and I have said many times we are so fortunate to have Lisa and her family.

PLEASE PRAY FOR BABY NATHAN AND HIS FAMILY....

I just wanted to make a quick post as I know many of you keep up on Taylor's blog as well. Taylor's water has broke and she is at the hospital now. Please keep her and her family in your prayers as the next few days will be very emotional for them. Help them rejoice in the time they have with their sweet baby Nathan.

Taylor~ We all continue to admire you and look to your words for strength in our times of weakness. You have given us all so much by taking us with you through this journey.