ALL ABOUT COOPER....

Yesterday we visited Doctor Kelley in the morning and Dr. Kaine in the afternoon. We went to see Dr. Kelley because Cooper has had a cold for about 2 weeks. We worry about it settling in his chest and it was starting to interrupt his sleep and he was coughing which led to throwing up. His gag reflex is so sensitive it takes very little to make him throw up. Dr. Kelley said he was doing fine. While we were there we did weigh him and he has gained 7 oz. Yippee! It is good to see him gaining but I am still eager for him to begin eating real food instead of just drinking fortified milk. Next we were off to Dr. Kaine's, Coop's cardiologist. They did an ECO and an EKG this time. Dr. Kaine said Cooper is very stable. The hole in his heart, VSD, is getting bigger and is large enough there is no hope that it will close on it's own. This is all stuff we knew anyway. However, the pulmonary stenosis is actually helping to offset the affects of the VSD and therefore Cooper remains stable. We have been so blessed with amazing doctors and every time I visit them they make me feel calm in the midst of my terror. Dr. Kaine never stops smiling when he sees Cooper. He said he is one of his special patients. I never know if this is because it is a miracle that he has made it this far or just because Cooper is special. Anyway, our appointment was very good and we do not have to go back to see Dr. Kaine until April 8th. At that time they will schedule the cardiac catheter and then from there determine when his next open heart surgery will be. I could not help but feel incredibly scared as he discussed the procedure in the next surgery. I continue to say it but I really do not know how I am going to prepare myself for the next one. Tears come to my eyes just thinking about it. I know when the day comes I will make it through because I have to for Cooper and for Raelynn and for Terry but if I could only tell you the way I feel when I think about it. It is like standing at the tip of the highest mountain, looking over it's edge and teetering there knowing if we do fall it is so far down we will never hit the bottom and watching as some actually do fall. We some how make it but then know that there will be other days that we will have to stand there, looking over the edge again, teetering back and forth and just praying to God he can again keep us from falling because we know it is all in his hands, not ours. The anxiety, the fear, the sadness and hopefully the pure joy at the end is a group of emotions jumbled all together I cannot forget no matter how hard I try and that is why I cannot get myself to the point that I am "ok" with his next surgery. When I am alone thinking about it or here writing about it I know I am not ready but I also know myself and when the time comes and I am surrounded by doctors, family and friends I know I will be fine and do what I am suppose to do and will just be thankful that no one can see the pure terror inside me. I will live it all again this time, and the next time and again the next. I will continue to hope it will get easier but also just pray that although I dread every second of it, there will always be the next time. Because if there is no next time, we have fallen. The surgeries are inevitable in Cooper's situation so I find it ironic that I hate them but yet am thrilled to have them because without them there is no Cooper.

Enough of that!!!
Now on to something much better than all that. Tonight Raelynn was in bed, Terry and I were in the living room. I sat on the floor writing Thank yous and looked up to see Cooper crawling towards a toy. Real crawling, not his crazy chimpanzee scoot, but real crawling. I was so excited I startled Terry trying to get his attention to see Coop without distracting Cooper causing him to stop crawling. We spent the next 5 minutes trying to get him to do it again. Anyway, it was awesome. He also decided to stand alone. Again we were so excited so I grabbed my phone to try to catch it on video but he was done with that and on to dancing. So here is Cooper version of "Shake your Bootie"!