I HAVE A CONFESSION.......

This is probably the hardest post I have ever made, partly because I am embarrassed and partly because I feel like I have given in, but I have to post about it because I am so excited. Let me start at the beginning....for months now I feel like I have been trying to keep everything in my life perfectly organized and well kept just as it was before I had children. I can't seem to let go of the fact that the house must constantly be cleaned and every project must be complete. Along with this I have been trying to manage working full time, working on the foundation, aerobics, helping with preschool, swimming, tumbling and raising 2 amazing kids. Now I am well aware that thousands of people do this every day and what I am doing is nothing special. I even have friends that have went back to school and are probably managing more than I am. The problem is I have been beating myself up on the weekends. I want to spend time playing and learning with the kids because during the week we get very little time together and what time we do have is just a constant timed schedule of evening events with little room for any extras. In saying that, I also cannot seem to let the house work, laundry, finances, scrapbooks, grocery shopping, or any of the other stuff go. I find myself constantly telling the kids, "yes we'll do "that" as soon as Mommy gets done "cleaning". I hate that I do this. A few months ago I tried letting things go a little. I forced myself one weekend to not clean. This did not work at all. I just felt grouchy and could not relax because in the back of my mind there was this constant voice telling me I should be doing this or that. Trust me I realize I am a little OCD but a person is what they are. So since this didn't work I tried cleaning the house during the week after the kids went to bed. So each night I would do 2 loads of laundry and clean 1 to 2 rooms. This was working but I would start at 9pm cleaning and then head downstairs to do the other stuff I always did at night. Before long it was 1 or 2 in the morning and I was just going to bed and then up at 4:15am to go work out because oh yes this is another thing I just can't let go. So there I sat wondering what else I could do. I had to learn to let go and enjoy my time with the kids because there is so much we need to do together and we only have 2 days a week to do it. Not to mention summer is coming and then there is yard work and the park and more swimming..........and it goes on and on. I started thinking about getting some help and no I don't mean a therapist. I kicked around the idea of having someone help me clean. Please don't think I am lazy. I actually thoroughly enjoy cleaning but this took up a whole day of our weekend because it is impossible to clean quickly with constant interruptions. So for almost 3 months now I have been thinking about this. I have a friend who cleans homes and I knew that if I were going to ask anyone it would be her. I felt like first she knew I was crazy and second I thought if I didn't think she did a good enough job we could talk about it and she would understand. So after a very long talk with my Mom about the situation and her strong encouragement I emailed my friend to see if we could talk and see if we thought we could make something work. We do not have any extra money in the budget for something like this so I knew it would mean sacrificing somewhere else, but if it helped I thought it might be all worth it. So that brings me to today.....today was our first day of having our home cleaned by someone other than me. It sounds crazy but I was really nervous to come home. I wasn't sure what to expect. What if I couldn't even tell she had been there? What if I had to go back in and do things here and there that she missed? What if I just wasn't comfortable with it? What if it was just going to cost too much for us to make work? After work I had errands to run and didn't get home until around 7pm. I walked in, took a few steps in and almost started to cry, really. Things sparkled. The floor was spotless. The couch that usually has Poho (our dog) hair everywhere even right after you clean it, was spotless. The carpets were vacuumed and trashes emptied and my laundry had even been changed! The mirrors shined, the fans were dustless, the stove gleamed....I could go on and on. As the night went on I began to searching to find something she had missed, but fortunately I found nothing! It was awesome! I cannot even tell you how excited I was. When Terry got home I drug him from room to room showing him the things she did, he just smiled. Raelynn got excited too. On Sunday she and I had made cookies together and I had told her that we got to do that because Mommy didn't have to spend so much time cleaning. So as I was bragging about how great everything looked Raelynn says, "Does that mean we get to make cookies every weekend!" I know this all may seem really silly and crazy to some but I just cannot tell you how much difference this is going to make for us.

To my friend, thank you! You are very much appreciated!