IT'S HAPPENING, MY LITTLE GIRL IS GROWING UP......

So I have to admit my heart broke just a little bit.......today after I read to the kids in the gym and lined everyone up and started to dismiss the kids, I went over and gave Coop a hug and a kiss on his way out of the gym like I have done every day since school started.  Then I headed to Raelynn only to see her turn her back to me.  It was evident she was avoiding my hug and kiss so of course I grabbed her and gave her a big hug and tickle and she laughed but I knew.  I knew that it was probably the last hug I would get in the gym before school.  I have been feeling her push me away and pull me back in every since the first week of school.  It seems at times she is changing and maturing and then at times I feel like she is difficult and confrontational.  It's nothing I can put my finger on but I just have felt like she is pushing for more independence while still really deep down wanting me right there.  We have had some really grown up conversations lately, not in content but in the manner in which we have spoke.  We have also had some times when it seems she is pushing me away.  I have to admit it has been difficult at times for me to remember that this is not about me but all about her finding her new parameters.  So tonight I went into her room and asked her if she didn't want me to give her a hug and kiss in the gym any more.  She responded, "I don't care."  I knew she did so I pushed on, "It's ok to tell me that you don't, my heart will break and I might cry, but I will be ok.  Does it bother you?"  She gave me the wobbly hand sign indicating it did a little.  She also giggled at my admission that I would be a little sad.  We continued to talk and she said maybe just a hug would be better than hugging and kissing her.  I told her, "how about I hug you before we go into the school in the morning and that would be good."  She smiled and agreed and then said, "Thanks Mom!"  Oh how my heart hurt but it also felt good that it wasn't a big conflict for us and we talked through it just as we have every other situation that we have encountered.  I left her room and went into Coop's and begged him to cuddle with me.  He of course did and said he would always love me :).  After all that and Raelynn got done reading I went in to turn off her light and I told her she just needed to be honest with me and let me know how she if feeling because I would always be around, but how close she can help decide.  She smiled and asked me to lay with her for awhile so I knew I had handled this first test of independence well but I just hoped as I lay there she couldn't see or feel that little tear that escaped not because I was sad but because I was proud and scared and really not sure I was ready for the next test.  ~I love you sweet pea, rather I am close by your side or standing far away~