WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH ALL THIS....

I title this "We will make it through all this" because that is what I told myself over and over and over today. The day started at 3 am when I got up to give Cooper his medicine. That went ok, but Cooper woke shortly after and would not go back to sleep. I finally woke Terry at 6 am because it was Monday and of course I told myself it was time to head back to the gym. So I went and worked out. By the way, that kicked my butt! Anyway, the morning was going fine. I got to get Raelynn out of bed and seeing her smiling face in the morning would make any day start well. We ran some errands and I called to schedule the numerous follow up appointments I was told to schedule. Things were crazy just trying to get this stuff done, keep Raelynn entertained and just keep Cooper relatively happy. I was doing pretty good with the whole feeding and medication regiment until Cooper started getting pretty fussy. He seemed hot and the next minute cold and clammy. He threw up a few times and then finally threw up hard enough his feeding tube came out his mouth. I called Terry to ask him if he could come home before 3 pm, Cooper's next feeding time, to hold Cooper while I put in the new feeding tube. He said he would be there as soon as Kathy returned to the store. Around 2:30pm I found out Apria had messed up what we were suppose to get and I had to go there to picked stuff up. Again I called Terry to see if he could go by on his way home. That is when it happened... I was looking at Cooper and realized his face was getting pretty puffy. With everything else this just set me over the top. In tears I told Terry this was so hard. I don't know what's wrong with him and when things are things I should worry about. There is just so much "stuff" right now I don't know where to start. Of course, calm Terry told me just to call Dr. Kelley which I did. I am fairly certain that they think I have completely lost it considering there I sat in their waiting room crying. I tried so hard to keep it together. Anyway, Cooper is fine. I will go back and meet with Dr. Kelley tomorrow to go over all my questions and concerns but he checked Cooper out and he thought he was doing great. He has thrown up quite a bit tonight and is scratching his eyes and nose like crazy. I am thinking we are dealing with the withdraw stuff again. Anyway, I know if I can just make it through this first month I should be ok but boy how I hope the next month flies by. I am so thankful to be home and I would not want it any other way but it is amazing how much more responsible I feel for Cooper now that we are out of the hospital. Lisa came over late afternoon and got my crash course on Cooper's meds and feedings. I am sure she left with her head spinning but she did not let on. She is playing this all so cool. We are so thankful for her as I know there are few daycare providers who so willingly would take this all on. We are going to do a trial run tomorrow. I will drop the kids off with her and pick them up for Cooper's doctor appointment at 1pm. It will be a good practice for us both as I know it is going to be hard for me to leave them again.

My night ended on a high note though. Jenny was nice enough to bring over food, a lot of food. I will not have to cook for days! This makes me very happy and I so appreciated it! With starting back to work on Wednesday, I cannot even imagine how those first few evenings will feel so not having to worry about fixing dinner will be wonderful! Thanks Jenny!

Terry, Raelynn and Cooper are now fast asleep. I know I should be to but Cooper is currently being fed and with his throwing up I can not go to sleep while that is running. So I will just hope that when that is done he will not wake and I can sneak in an hour or two before he needs his next round of meds.