ANOTHER WEEK PASSED.....

I cannot believe how time flies. Last week seemed to be a preview of the craziness the next month holds for us. Cooper is doing well and really has to be the orneriest boy ever. I know I keep saying this, but it really amazes me. He cannot hold still for 5 seconds and it is a constant battle to keep him entertained. Believe me I am not complaining, I love it, I just cannot believe how different he is than Raelynn. One morning this week while we were all scrambling to get ready, the silence of Cooper made me go searching for what trouble he could be in now. I walk into Raelynn's room and there Cooper is sitting on top of her desk throwing markers one by one into her trash. Of course Raelynn rushed in to let Cooper know that not only should he not be on top of her desk but he should not be throwing other people's things away!


Raelynn is still in the big girl mode and tonight just reaffirmed that. My 3 year old daughter had her first swim team practice. She was so excited when Claudine invited her to swim with the big kids. It was absolutely adorable and she did pretty good with a little help from the coaches. The girl was born to swim. Afterwards she could not stop talking about how big she was getting. We got home and headed to take baths. Raelynn informed me she did not need any help and she didn't. She went to the bathroom, started her bath, filled it, shut it off, washed her body and hair, picked up her toys, got out, dried off, brushed her hair and teeth, put lotion on, got her pajamas on.....all while I just sat and cried! No not really, there was no crying but the rest was true. We have raised our daughter to be very independent and independent she has become. It sometimes amazes me.

Well as Raelynn said tonight, we have one more day to spend the whole day together before back to school and work. I cherish these days!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO ONE TOLD ME IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS.....

I don't know what made me think about this, but last night I could not help thinking about the time, a long time ago, before I had kids. I remember when we were pregnant with Raelynn and everyone told me how things were going to change. They said no more time to yourself, no more quick trips anywhere, no more rest and on and on. They would all end it by saying things are going to be so different but it is all good changes. Really, can you simply say that everything Raelynn and Cooper have brought to us is "good". How generic. I decided that if I am ever engaged in a conversation with someone who is expecting their first child I am going to tell them exactly how it is.

"Your life is about to change in a way you cannot even begin to understand right now. From now on you will get to experience everything with someone else and not just experience new things but old thing too. Even every day things like eating, talking and walking will become amazingly exciting. Cold and hot, jumping and crawling, bugs and dirt, birds, wind, trees, snow, rain.....it will all take on a new meaning and will be so much more exciting then your can ever remember. You will no longer have to jump in your car and rush off to a store to pick something up last minute. Now you will get patiently in your vehicle, make sure everyone is safely buckled in and then talk about what you are getting and answer a thousand why's on the way. During that time you will be amazed at how smart your little one is getting and want grand words he or she is starting use. They will challenge you to explain things in great detail and even explain things you never knew needed explaining therefore giving you a much better understanding of the meaning and purpose of everything. You will experience tiredness in a way never imagined but in your most tired moment you will see a smile or hear a giggle or feel a touch and magically you are no longer as tired. When you go to bed at night you will walk past their rooms and some how you will be drawn in to steel one more kiss goodnight from their sleeping bodies even though you cannot imagine what would posses you to do something that may wake them. And you will never again have to make plans with someone else to have something to look forward to because you will now have everything in the world you could possibly want wrapped up in one cute body and will simply look forward to the next time they smile, speak, laugh or even cry."

Ok so maybe I wouldn't get all of that out but I know that I will tell them it is the most amazing experience and you are just now beginning to live.

Last week we received a note from Raelynn's preschool concerning some safety issues. I was a little taken back by it because quite frankly it never occurred to me that something terrible could happen here. Terry and I talked and we decided we should probably say something to her about talking to strangers etc. A few days later I was reading my Parents Magazine and they had an entire article about how to talk to your kids about strangers, getting lost in stores, taking things from strangers, etc. So last night instead of a bedtime story for Raelynn I brought my magazine in and we read the article together. I paraphrased things so she could understand and then we role played. I was so taken by her attention and participation in the role playing. She understood exactly what we were talking about and at one point even made sure I knew that she would also watch after Cooper since he wasn't big enough to understand this important stuff yet. Once again I found myself beaming with pride at her way of discussing and dealing with things.

I am equally proud of Cooper but in a little different way. :) Cooper is starting to remember little games we play like putting coasters on each other's heads or chasing him around the living room and then trying to instigate the game again another night. It is so cute. He is also obsessed with remotes to the TV and Wii. We gave him an old remote that didn't really go to anything anymore but that lasted a total of 2 seconds. There was no cause and effect. He would push the buttons and nothing would happen. With the real remote he would change the channel and hear us all yell "Cooper!" or he would blast the sound or with the Wii remote he likes seeing the characters move as he moves. It is quite comically to watch him and amazing that he grasps the concept already. He has started to say many more sounds now and I love hearing him babble. He says Momma but I still am not convinced he is actually saying it about or to me or whether it is just a sound he is making. Either way it is good that he is expanding his "vocabulary". Coop's color is still not great but his SAT level is staying above 75 where they want it. So everyone is doing good and we are all just waiting for it to warm up. Like Raelynn says, Christmas is over, why is it still so cold?"

LIFE GOES ON......

So yesterday I broke down and called our pediatrician. I spoke with Jill, our wonderful nurse and friend, and she said to go ahead and call Dr. Kaine, our cardiologist to let them know what is going on. Today I talked to cardiology and basically they said it is not abnormal for Coop to be purple/gray/blue. They said his color has been surprisingly good since his second surgery but they would expect some discoloration with the size of his VSD. This just means his circulation and oxygen level are not perfect which we are well aware of. Basically, they said as long as it is only his color we should not worry. What we really want to watch for is if when he is awake he is not active or if his appetite decreases. With either of those symptoms we should call them right away. I can assure you that when Cooper is awake he is anything but inactive! As for his appetite, well he is still drinking his milk so I think we are doing fine. Of course we have to watch him and basically they summed it up that we already know there is something wrong the question is when do we want to fix it and we don't want to fix it until we are out of cold and flu season and Cooper is as big as possible. Therefore, things need to be drastically worse before they will go forward with any other procedures. I was actually very relieved. I don't like to see the scary colors that we see but just knowing that the color alone is nothing to be alarmed about is reassuring. We will continue to take it day by day and continue on as if nothing is wrong.

Tonight we had another night of swimming and this time caught a little video of him actually swimming in between his crying. We are still holding on to hope that he will eventually come to like it or at least tolerate it.

After lessons we visited an art display at Blue Plate Dinners and then out to eat with Kelly and Kaden and Stephanie (Kelly's sister not mine :) ). We really had a great time and Raelynn got really silly on the way home. We were laughing so hard and I don't even remember why. It is great to act like a 3 year old sometimes :)

Tomorrow is off to tumbling and then home to clean! Fun, fun, fun!

WHERE DO WE START.....

I don't even know where to start. If only a video camera could follow us around all day would you truly see the craziness I encounter every day. The past weekend was pretty fun. Saturday Raelynn had tumbling class for the first time. Of course she loved it and now thinks she must get a leotard by next Saturday. I am pretty sure her T-shirt and shorts will be just fine but she was eager to point out that I always say, "We must wear what is appropriate for the occasion." Sometimes I really wish she wouldn't listen to me. Tumbling was great though. In her words, she got to jump on a really long trampoline, play on monkey bars and swing on this ring things. We are not allowed to go into the gymnastics room but can see them from a window in the waiting room. When the kids walked on the high beam, the instructor held each of their hands.....then it was Raelynn's turn. You could see her talking to the instructing, reasoning with her it appeared. Then you see the instructor give in and allow Raelynn to walk by herself. You could see the terror in the instructors eyes each time she wobbled and when she dismounted at the end, one instructor looked at the other with a smile on her face just shaking her head. Yep that is my independent daughter! After tumbling we rushed home to change and eat and then off to Playhouse Disney Live.

We went some friends and Raelynn was so excited. The kids had a great time.



I am hoping this will satisfy Raelynn for awhile because she is animate that we are taking her to Dora Live in Chicago. I did explain that Chicago was very far away but she continues to explain that it is Dora after all.

Steph was nice enough to come down for the weekend so she could watch Coop while we went to Playhouse Disney. She stayed with us until Monday. Sunday afternoon I had to go shopping for a few things. While we were out we looked for a shirt to go with a pair of pants Raelynn had gotten for Christmas. While we are shopping it comes to me that my daughter is no longer a size 4T but rather a 4X which is in the big girl sizes. I thought I was going to cry. I know this sounds crazy because she is still small but really she is growing up so fast. Sunday night when I put her to bed I was telling her how she is growing up so fast and that soon she would not need me for anything. She so sweetly says to me, "Mommy I am only 3, I still need you but when I turn 4.....well you still have Cooper and he needs you!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She is just at such a great age and she is just like a little grown up. I really do often wonder what I would ever do without her.

The kids are both still taking swimming lessons. Cooper is still not a big fan but Raelynn is taking off like crazy. She is swimming freestyle now and they are teaching her the butterfly as well. She loves it. We had to order Cooper a suit that would keep him warmer and Raelynn's suit was getting pretty small so we let her pick out one too. They both love their new suits and hopefully Cooper will start loving lessons soon.



Last night Kaden got to come over and play for awhile during the game. He is sooooo cute and sooooo good. He, Raelynn and Cooper all played the night away and cheered on the Hawks. It was a lot of fun. We put Kaden down to sleep on the floor next to Raelynn's bed. We put them down at the same time and amazingly enough they went right to sleep after story time. It actually made my job very easy as they all entertained each other quite well :)

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So this week has been a very educational one for Raelynn. Yesterday we learned about MLK. She didn't have school and wanted to know why so I told her all about it. She seemed very interested. Then this morning I walk out to the living room and there she is watching the news. I ask her if she wants her cartoons on and she says no. Of course all the talk was about the inauguration so I explain to her exactly what is going on and who President Obama is etc. I guess this afternoon she made Lisa watch it all afternoon. Tonight while she was eating a snack Katie Couric was doing her interview of the President and his family. Raelynn informs me that today was important because it was history. She no more had said it then she looked at me and said, "what is history?". We talked about history and why President Obama was making history and then she informs me that the Presidents wife wore a beautiful designer gown. Really.....did she really say "designer gown"! The whole night was hysterical and also very exciting. I don't care who you are or what you think of our new President, I can't help but think this is a very exciting time or maybe it is just because I am experiencing it with my 3 year old daughter.

So in a nut shell that is a recap of our past week. Now for an update on how Coop is doing. I don't know. He is purple a lot. His lips go back and forth from pink to a deep purple all day long. His hands are dark purple or gray most of the time. I can't shake the feeling that things aren't just right. He is getting another pretty bad cold and is coughing with a runny nose. Lisa's friend, who is a nurse, was nice enough to stop by today to just make sure the cold wasn't settling in his chest and so far so good. I don't know if I am starting to drive myself crazy or not but tonight his abdomen looked a little swollen. Terry was at a meeting and it took everything I had not to call him home to look and see what he thought but I didn't. When he got home and I told him, he said he thought he looked a little swollen this morning too. The significance to this is that a sign of congestive heart failure is swelling in the spleen which is located in the abdomen. It is very easy for me to question myself. Something tells me deep down that everything is not ok but at the same time I don't want to be the crazy mom who always thinks something is wrong with their kid. I am literally driving myself nuts. Terry thinks it is time to call Dr. Kelley again and just revisit our concerns. He says it is better to be safe than sorry. I did take his SAT level tonight and it was at 83 which is completely acceptable. I just wish I had an answer to his color issues. Just when I am completely convinced that I need to take him to the doctor I watch him playing and laughing and cannot imagine how he could be so happy and ornery if his heart was not stable. I fear that this is how it is going to be until his next surgery. I worry that I read too much into things but then when Terry is seeing the same things I am then it just reinforces my fears. Anyway, so I have no idea how Cooper is doing and can almost guarantee we will visit the doctor before the end of the week. We will just take it day by day!

PRAY FOR THE PARENTS OF BABY DAVID....

I logged on tonight to make a post about the fun and crazy weekend we had. I always check all the other blogs first and one of the blogs is "Pray for Baby David". Baby David was born last week a month early and now has passed. The parents knew he had heart defects but were shocked to find his brain had not developed and his lungs were less than 1/3 developed. I feel so for this family as this is the 2nd child they have lost. Take a minute....look around you....be ever so grateful for what you have and do that every day. We have came too close to loosing something so precious and I am telling you, I appreciate everything in my life every day and I hope I never forget how quickly it can all be lost. As for those who have suffered such a loss, I think about you every day too. I hope I never feel the pain you feel, but if I do I hope I will be able to find the direction to live my life to make my lost one proud.

The weekend really was great and I have so many fun stories to tell but I think it will be better told tomorrow night.

COOPER IS FINE AND TERRY IS A PATIENT MAN.....

The important stuff first, Cooper is fine. We saw Dr. Kelley today and he checked Cooper out. He does not believe there is any reason to be immediately concerned. He is setting us up with a SAT monitor for home so that when Cooper's color is off we can check his SAT level. His level was at 76 today which is lower than it had been but for Cooper was still acceptable. We were very relieved to hear this news. Coop was a maniac while we were there, walking around playing with everything. Of course, we were all thrilled to see him so active, doctors included. We will continue to watch him but for now will continue to enjoy the ornery little poop just as he is. He had also gained 4 oz which is better than loosing so we are still headed in the right direction!

Tonight we had swimming lessons again. Lisa and Jarod came along to watch. Coop had a short lesson and then we had to wait until the group lessons were over for Raelynn's. Coop is still crying like crazy but doing what he is suppose to do. Raelynn is jumping in, swimming freestyle, rolling to her back when she needs a breath and then back over to freestyle. It is amazing to watch. Especially knowing that she started just 2 years ago right where Coop is at. Anyway, so we got home a little later than usual. We walk in the house and Raelynn and I just keep talking about how cold we are. I don't think much of it because we are all a little damp from swimming and it is freezing outside. We eat dinner but still seem really cold. We head back to our bedrooms and I decide to turn on the space heaters we have in our rooms. When I do, they pop up saying 58 and 59 degrees. I went to the thermostat and it reads 59 degrees. What?! No wonder we are freezing!!! I call Terry and he says he is on his way home. He changes the batteries in the thermostat and a few other things. I continue getting the kids ready for bed. Then he comes up stairs and says, "Kristi do you remember hitting the switch by the heater?" I follow him downstairs to see what he is referring to.......so on Sunday I thoroughly cleaned the basement. I reorganized the storage area where our Christmas decorations are and at one point saw this switch that looked just like a light switch I had never noticed before. I flipped it on and off a few times but never could see what it controlled. I had intended to ask Terry later that day but forgot all about it. Well now I know. That switch turns the heating unit on and off. You learn something new every day! I could do nothing but laugh. Here Terry is thinking, "Oh my gosh we are going to have to come up with money for a new furnace", when really his stupid wife had just shut the power off! Of course Terry just smiles and says "well you have to go tell your daughter it is your fault she is freezing!" So I do and Raelynn laughs right along with the rest of us. Terry is a very patient man. He tolerates my crazy need for everything to be perfect right along with my stupidity. He is a good man :)

COOPER FUN AND WORRIES AGAIN.....

So Cooper had his first swimming lesson yesterday. He was so cute and looked so small in that big pool. Claudine promised to take it very slow and easy with him because I was a little nervous. Of course Cooper hated it but so did Raelynn and now she is a little fish and can't wait for her next lesson. Today he did better and hopefully tomorrow even better yet. He takes 4 lessons in a row and then we'll go from there.




Besides swimming lessons Cooper has kept me busy today. I found him sitting on the bottom shelf of our pantry throwing cans from the shelf onto the floor. As Raelynn was in the bath we hear her yelling at Cooper and then us. We got to the bathroom and find him putting her lip glosses in the toilet. Then tonight he crawls up next to me on the couch, lays against a pillow and he is out. Of course he was tired after all the trouble he had been into! He is so cute!

That is the fun stuff, now for the worries. The past week Coop has woke up pretty purple again. The night before last we decided to make sure he just wasn't getting cold. We put a fleece sleeper on and turned up the space heater in his room. The next morning, purple again. It is very reminiscent to what happened before his second surgery. We go in to see Dr. Kelley on Monday and I will ask for a SAT level to be taken. He has also been sleeping more. After I drop him off at Lisa's he sleeps the mornings away. There could be a thousand reasons for all of this but I worry the one reason may be his heart. I can only pray that it is not. I will not dwell on the "what ifs" right now. We will see how his SAT Level is Monday and go from there. (However, a little prayer here and there certainly won't hurt.)

A PLANNED OUT DAY....OR MAYBE NOT......

This week has been crazy. After the holidays and being gone, work was nuts. Monday I thought I would never catch up. Tuesday I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's not just work either, I am still getting things put away and reorganized after Christmas, catching up and following up on things for the foundation, and yes fitting plenty of time in to chase the things down the stairs that Cooper launches over and over again, and teach Raelynn how to spell and read because she is convinced she has to learn to read books to her brother. (She now knows me, dog, cat and the) I have been working late and getting up early and thinking I really needed days (and nights) to be longer. This morning I got back from teaching aerobics about 6:15am. I got the floors swept, laundry put away and Cooper's meds and food (drinks) ready for the day. Into the shower I went. I thought, today is the day I am going to get caught up at work. I had made a lasagna last night so I would come home after work put it in the oven and have time to spend with the kids before bed. My day was planned out and I was feeling good. Out of the shower and almost ready when I hear a cry from Raelynn's room, "Mommy!" I went running because it was very odd for her to wake up before I dragged her out of bed and the cry was troubling. As she was talking in a panic that she needed a drink I picked her up. She was burning up and shaking uncontrollably. I took her to the kitchen and got her a drink and was drilling her with questions about how she felt. Seconds later she told me just how she felt as the drink came right back up. Raelynn had the flu with a 103.2 fever! (Maybe 104.2, I never remember when you add a degree) And there went my perfectly planned day. Her shaking subsided about 45 minutes later but her fever persisted most of the day along with the puking. It amazes me how helpless and little they look when they are sick. I held her, I rubbed her back, I held her hair when needed and this little sweety says to me in this little puny voice at the end of the day, "Mommy, we got to spend the whole day together again!" How great was that! All week when she wakes up in the mornings we count the days to the weekend when we get to spend the whole day together. We celebrate Fridays because it is only one more day until we spend the whole day together. We have done this as long as I can remember. I love her so much! Throughout the day she would make me laugh. At one point she told me she thought she should get dressed (she was still in her PJs). I told her she didn't have to and she said it might make her feel better. She later told me that she thought she got sick because Daddy and I had tickled her too much the night before. I assured her tickling may make her potty her pants but it would not make her sick :). She was also obsessed with infomercials. She would surf channels and constantly stop at an infomercial. She would tell me all about it and how much it was and that you could make payments on your credit card. She also likes the weather and I think she told me the entire week forcast by the end of the day. It was all very amusing.

Prior to today, still loving her greatly, Monday night was a challenge. My Mom had given me money for a new coat for Christmas but with everything going on I had not had a chance to get it. So Monday after work we headed to Kohl's and I got a great new coat. As we were heading to check out I stopped to look at a watch. Raelynn was in the cart right next to me. Before I know it I hear breaking glass. I turn and Raelynn has pulled a make up tester off the counter and dropped it. I was mortified. I lecture her for minute because I have no idea what else to do and then get a sales clerk so I could clean it up and pay for the broken bottle. I ask Raelynn to apologize to the lady and she says nothing. I wait. Nothing. I ask again. Nothing. Really what do you do????? I apologize for her breaking the bottle and for her disrespect and rudeness. We leave and I give her the talk of a lifetime. Raelynn knows she is in big trouble and says nothing at all for a good 45 minutes. When Terry gets home I make her sit at the table until she tells him what she has done which takes over an hour. Finally she tells him and we go on with our night but no snack, no bed time story, just straight to bed. We talk in great detail at bedtime about what she did and did not do and how I was disappointed in her behavior and just hope that next time, because I am sure there will be a next time, the outcome is better. How do we ever know if we are doing this all right? I know, I will find out in 10-15 years. Then there is Cooper who I am sure will test me beyond anything Raelynn could even dream of. He is now on the go constantly and absolutely hilarious. He knows I like things neat and orderly so he messes up everything he can get his hands on. The other night he actually went around rolling up the rugs on the floor. He would then come and get me to show me and laugh! He launches any thing he can find down our stairs and then insists that someone go get it. He empties my cupboards nightly and touches decorations around the house only when I am looking! He has emptied the toilet paper rolls more than once and thinks the trashbags in the trashcans look better laying next to the trashcan rather than in them. He is a walking ball of orneriness and I love every second of it. I honestly can say I love being a parent. I love the daily surprises, I love the challenge, I love the constant strive to be better and think faster and imagine bigger. I received an email from a follower a few weeks back asking me if I was ever angry about Cooper's condition. When I read it I could only wonder what I would be angry about? We are the most blessed family! We have been give a few challenges, yes, but without them we would not be who we are or have the kids we have. Angry? No. Blessed and thankful? Yes!

COOP GOT HIS GLASSES, STEPH GOT HER HOUSE...

Well we made it through another crazy weekend. Friday morning I started at 4am headed to the office to take care of a few things. We ran a million errands and were on the road to Manhattan to help Steph move in to her new place around 2pm. When I arrived the place was a mess. We cleaned and cleaned and cleaned. Around 10pm the real fun began....shopping. We left Coop and Raelynn at Steph's with Cody and headed out to buy everything one needs to set up a house. Steph had already purchased her furniture and it was delivered that afternoon but she had nothing else, not so much as sheets! It was a blast! I love decorating so the idea of starting from scratch and spending someone else's money was fantastic. All was good until about 12:30am when I hit a wall. I was so tired I did not think I could make it one more step. We got home and by 2:30am were in bed. Unfortunately, the kids have these amazing built in alarm clocks that never go off any later than 7am. So back up we were and since Steph made me stay up so late I was more than anxious to wake her. We spent the rest of Saturday doing more cleaning, decorating and shopping. The kids and I headed home around 6pm and I felt so happy for Steph. Her place really cleaned up well and looked fabulous. I had to leave before it was complete so I am very anxious to go back and see the final project. Shortly after we hit the road, Raelynn said, "Mommy I think we need to make Grandma some cookies when we get home." I said OK but asked why. She said it was because Grandma was so nice and did nice things for us and we should thank her. I was so proud and happy that Raelynn said this. We always try to instill in her that it is important to be kind and let people know how appreciative you are for what they do. My Mom is without a doubt a very selfless, kind and thoughtful mother and it was so heart warming that Raelynn recognized it.

When we arrived home we were all eager to see Daddy and he was eager to see Cooper's new glasses! Yep we picked up his glasses before we left town on Friday but Terry had not yet seen him. He looks so cute, very much like Harry Potter. He is doing amazing well with them. He does take them off occasionally and they do get in his way when he is rolling on the floor or trying to snuggle but we will all adjust. I hope they do what they are suppose to and he won't have to wear them forever.


Today we spent still trying to get new Christmas gifts hooked up, the house organized, bills paid, etc. I always make "New Year's Resolutions" but I prefer to call them my yearly goals. I have done this since I was in high school and usually do a very good job of achieving them. There are always the usual ones such as certain financial goals, to go above and beyond to help people, to be kind always, to be a better mother than the year before, and so on. However I also try to set one just random goal and this year it is to cook one meal a week that we have never made before. This is a big one for me because I cook every night but do not enjoy one second of it. I hope I can keep this goal as it will be a tough one.

I forgot to mention a couple of things we did back in Scott City. Most of the time we were there it was pretty warm so we spent one afternoon at the park. I think Karli and I had more fun than the kids. We played on the monkey bars, swung and went down the slides. It was crazy fun and I was a little sore afterwards!




On Christmas night we went to a little place outside of Scott City. This family has created a light show that is awesome. You drive up to their house and just sit in your vehicle. You tune your radio to a certain station and as the music plays the lights perform. It was incredible. The really amazing part of it all is that it is all by donation only and the money raised goes to a local charity. It could not be more perfect for the season. They have a website, wasingerlights.com, if you ever find yourself anywhere near Scott City around the holidays you have to check it out.

JUST FYI---COOP HAS NOT THROWN UP FOR 3 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK 2009, PLEASE BE GOOD TO US....

We happily welcome 2009!!! As I look back over 2008 there was so much that happened it is hard to really grasp it all. Obviously our losses have been hard with Terry's Mom and my Grandmother not to mention everything with Cooper. However, I really can't think of another year in my entire life that I have learned more, grown more or loved more. I am happy to move on to 2009 but I truly can say with all the bad there was an enormous amount of good in 2008 and it will be a year I will never forget.

We made it home Tuesday night about 11:30 pm. The funeral was nice and there were so many people I had not seen for years. It was hard to see my Grandmother for the last time but I could not help but feel a little relieved for her. I know that she is so much happier now. We reminisced about the way she used to be before she got sick. It made me sad that Steph and Karli do not remember her then because she was a fabulous Grandma! I will always cherish her memory. Raelynn did very well. She always wants to go to the viewing and so we did. When we got up there she said "Goodbye Great Grandma, we will miss you." She said it so softly. I started to cry and then her little face got so sad. I told her Mommy was only crying because I loved her and Great Grandma so much. I think she really understood. The night before the funeral when I was putting Raelynn to bed she asked me when Daddy was going to die. I told her we never know when anyone is going to die just that someday everyone will. I asked why she was asking and she said because Daddy is old. Now normally this would have cracked me up but I realized very quickly how scary this thought could be to her. See the problem is, I joke constantly that Terry is "old". Yet when Nanni and Great Grandma passed away I told her they died because they just got old and there bodies got too tired to keep living. To a 3 year old, everyone is old. So when I reference Terry as being "old" and then tell her they have passed away because they are "old" you can see how this would be scary. I explained to Raelynn then that Mommy just jokes about Daddy being old and they Nanni and Great Grandma were much older than Daddy. I felt horrible but she did not seem too upset and was satisfied with my explanation.

New Year's Eve was so much fun!!!!! I said that with as much sarcasm as possible. I got home after work and started putting things away from Christmas and our extended vacation and I finished tonight around 7 pm. I did break long enough to poor Terry and I a glass of champagne, wake him from sleeping on the couch and watch the ball drop. So that was our New Year's excitement. Today, as I said, I finished the upstairs about 7pm and am still working on the basement. It is insane how long it takes to get everything organized and clean. I went through the kids' closets to make room for there new clothes and toys. Raelynn was a big help with this. She now has an opinion on what goes where and what stays and what goes. The only problem with this though is that she and I don't always agree. Last night while we were working on her room she wanted her shoes arranged differently in the closet that I did. After going back and forth trying to find a happy medium for us both, she looks at me and says, "It's my room! You put your shoes in your closet this way, mine go here!" Once again I could do nothing but smile. I love her independence and the funny thing is her way was completely neat and organized too. Terry spent the day installing Jayhawk,Raelynn's Wii. You get to name the Wii and then build players that resemble each of us. Lisa's kids got a Wii too and they named theirs Cornhusker so as soon as Terry asked her what she wanted to name ours she responded Jayhawk so Jayhawk it is. Then they built their characters as well as mine. It is was all good and fun until Terry put in the new Wii game she had received for Christmas and tried to teach her how to play. My husband of great patience lost it. Trying to teach a 3 yr old to listen, sit still and be patient as Daddy reads the instructions was just a perfect recipe for disaster. I don't know if they ever really figured it all out. I continued to clean and organize while listening to Terry loose his patience and Raelynn decide to do something else why Daddy tried to figure it out. It really was funny but only because Terry truly is the most laid back patient person I have ever met. Everyone survived though and are now sound asleep. We will go to Manhattan tomorrow to help Steph move into her new house and I will enjoy 3 more days of spending time with Raelynn and Cooper. I love these days!!! I really can never consume enough of them. Even when tears are flowing because somebody didn't get there way and the other is wining because they just want to be held and I have a million things running in my mind that need to be done, I still smile and know that life does not get better than this.