THE JOY NEVER ENDS.......

Today when I picked Raelynn up from school we were talking about her day and so forth when she got very quiet. I didn't say anything for some time and then she asks if Ms. Hanf,her teacher, was married yet. You see her teacher left a week ago to get married and then returned this week to finish the school year with the kids. So I told Raelynn that yes she had gotten married. Raelynn asked if she had any kids yet. With a chuckle I said no. She asked why not and I said that they would have a baby when she and her husband decided too. And Raelynn responds, "her husband hasn't gotten the fertilizer to put on her eggs yet?" (Now if you are not following this please refer to my April 21st blog where I was forced to explain to my 3 year old daughter how the baby gets in the mommies' tummy.) I tried very hard not to laugh and just said "I guess not." Raelynn said, "maybe she should remind him and he should put it on his grocery list like we do when we don't want to forget to buy something." With that I lost it and in complete laughter I told her she should tell Ms. Hanf that! I tell 'ya there is never a conversation that I don't wonder where it will lead.

The kids have been at Mary Beth's a couple days this week and I guess Coop is a real hit. We were shopping last night and this lady says, "look there is Baby Cooper". I turn to look at them and she says her kids get so excited when they hear Cooper and Raelynn are going to be at Mary Beth's. It was so sweet and I have officially changed my identity from Kristi to Raelynn and Cooper's Mom. I love my new identity!

Tonight after Raelynn and I finished her bedtime story and prayer she asked if I would snuggle with her for a few minutes. Now unless you have never snuggled with a little person right before they drift off to sleep, you know it is impossible to say no. Raelynn and I have some of our best conversations during this time. Tonight was especially sweet. Her room was pitch dark and we could not even see each other as we lay face to face. It was thundering outside as she snuggled up close to me and said, "how was your day Mommy?" We exchanged some small talk and then she lightly blinked her eyelashes next to my cheek to give me a "butterfly kiss". We hadn't done that for months. We both started to giggle and I gave her a butterfly kiss back. After some more giggling Raelynn touches my face and says, "Mommy I love you." I told her I loved her back and she signed and snuggled closer. Oh if I could only bottle that up. I lay there for a few more seconds and then told her it was time for me to go read Coop a story and for her to go to sleep. She said ok and thanked me for laying with her tonight. I so wish I knew what was going on in that head of hers but for now I will cherish the little glimpses she gives me in her eyes. I love what my kids give me. I love what my kids teach me. I love my kids more every day.....if that is possible!

RAELYNN'S LOVE FOR HER BROTHER....

Today I took Raelynn to school because Terry had to be to work early. On our way Raelynn says completely out of the blue, "When you guys go to the hospital with Cooper I am going to have to pack lots of clothes." Why I ask. She says, "because you will be gone for a long time." I tell her we may be and that we will miss her. She tells me, "I'll miss you too but I will visit everyday and we will be home together after Cooper gets better. He will need you there with him Mommy, I will be fine with Grandma." She continues the conversation asking where we sleep when we are there and so on. Then she says she just hopes Coop doesn't have a feeding tube this time. I tell her if he does we will just work hard at getting rid of it. She says to me, "well don't forget to tell them he says lots of words now and tell them when he says "nn" he is talking about me, they will need to know that Mom, and don't forget his milk and medicines." I could hardly keep the tears back. After a few seconds of silence she says "Mom....Coop will be ok because he has his family and we love him very much and Jesus was ok even after he died and he will watch over Cooper." Needless to say I took everything I had not to start crying or stop the car and just hug her. She loves her little brother so much!

WHY DO I WAIT SO LONG BETWEEN POSTS.....

I always have too much to say but life is crazy busy to post every night! I guess the best place to start is with Raelynn stories. Jumping back to last week, as most of you know last Wednesday was Earth Day. Raelynn's preschool obvviously discussed the concerns and reasons for Earth Day because on Friday Raelynn informs me that we need to start recycling plastics and the newspaper. Although Terry may disagree, I really do think it is important for everyone to have a say in how our household is ran. Therefore, I told her that was a wonderful idea and she needed to go talk to Dad about keeping the newspaper. So now we are recycling the newspaper and will work on the plastics next. Then the next morning we were brushing our teeth and Raelynn informed me that we were to shut off the water when we were not using it so that we did not waste water. "There is not so much water on the Earth and we can't waste it!" she informed me and since that day she has reminded me morning and night. She told me she would keep reminding me because that is how we learn. She has also informed me the other day out of the blue that "Clariton causes drowsiness". What?!!! She tells me she saw it on a commercial and she remembered Dr. Kelley saying she could take some if she needed it and she did not want to take it because then she could have drowsiness and that didn't sound good. First I decided the girl really has to stop watching so much TV and second she hears everything!

This weekend was great. My family was here, Mom, Karli, Sherri, Cassy and Chandler and we participated in the March of Dimes March for Babies. It was a great walk this year and just to confirm, my Mom did complete the 3 mile route. There are some great pictures from the walk that can be viewed at www.rjstills.com. After the walk Mom helped me plant tons of flowers. I am not very good at it but Mom is great. I love having planters of flowers to take care of and keep beautiful. Raelynn and Cooper spent the weekend playing with Cassy and Chandler. Raelynn misses them so much. She has said a dozen times since they left that she misses them. It makes me happy that she loves them but sad that they don't get to spend time together like they used too. Sunday morning I had to help with Sunday School so we all went to church and then they all left late Sunday afternoon just in time for me to get things picked up for Terry's family to come over for the evening. I felt like the weekend was non stop running and cooking but it was great all the same.

Coop is doing ok but we received a little discouraging news. Coop had failed his hearing screening again last week so yesterday we visited Dr. Kelley again. Unfortunately Coop has a lot of fluid sitting on his ears. Normally with the amount of ear infections and the fact that they were not clearing up on thier own, we would put tubes in his ears. The surgery itself is no big deal but the fact that they have to put him under to do the procedure is. Due to the amount of times Coop has been put under his risk with anethetics is very high. Therefore, we have decided to give him 4 more weeks to see if the fluid clears. If it does not, we will have to visit CMH yet again this time to get tubes so that he does not have permanant hearing loss. Regardless the surgery, Coop does not need any extras. I hope we are able to avoid this. The poor little guy is just coming alive so much lately it sickens me to think of having set backs. As always, we will wait and see.

Tonight was a wonderful evening. The kids were in wonderful spirits and we ran errands, played and snugglesd. If only the evenings could last forever!

AS PROMISED, FIRST RIDE VIDEO....

So I am finally back up and running on the Internet. Now I have a lot of catching up to do. As promised here is a little glimpse of Raelynn's first riding lesson. If you scroll to the bottom of the blog and mute the music you will be able to hear Raelynn giving Charm commands.

And Cooper and the tractor.
This evening was an experience. Right after work I headed down to my friends nail salon as she was going to do my nails. It was a spontaneous appointment so of course I had not made any arrangements for the kids and so they were going to go with me. I am usually the only one there anyway so I did not expect it to be a problem. How many times have I been reminded to expect the unexpected and yet still I had the nerve to think this "was not going to be a problem". We walk in and the place is packed. People everywhere. I sit Raelynn and Cooper down and ask Raelynn to please be good and watch her brother and then hand her the snack of all snacks, M & M's. They were set, no worries. Think again. Raelynn quickly strikes up a conversation with the elderly lady who is just trying to browse a magazine. "Are you getting your nails done? Did you pick a color? I might get my nails done if I am good." The interrogation from my 3 year has began. Of course, just being polite the lady holds a conversation with her. Then Raelynn introduces herself and Cooper and me. I smile politely. After that things just got crazy. Raelynn and Cooper begin making the rounds from one person to another checking out their toes and nails. Then Raelynn hollers across the salon, "Mom I think Coop pooped!" Great, my son's poop smells horrible. I ask Raelynn if she is sure. She runs up to Coop presses her nose against his pants and confirms that he definitely has pooped. It does not take long for the rest of us to be certain as well. I apologize to the group of women and assure them I will get his stinkiness out of there as soon as my nails dry. The next thing I know Coop begins to cough on his M&M and throws up in my purse! Let me tell you his puke does not smell much better than his poop. Unfortunately the puke is not neatly contained in a diaper but running down the inside of my purse. I could not have been happier to get out of there!!!

Tonight as I lay Raelynn down for bed, read a story and then got ready to say our prayers Raelynn decided she wanted to say a special prayer for Nanny. She does this pretty often so we said our special prayer. As we finished Raelynn says to me, "Popo is there all by himself." I said, "Popo is where?" She said at his house but that Aunt Carol is there with him. I said that Aunt Carol did go over to visit Popo every night but she did not live them. Raelynn in the most loving voice and sympathetic face says, "we have to find Popo another Nanny, one just like our Nanny to be with him." Tears swelled in both our eyes and I told her there is only one Nanny and she is always with Popo and all of us in our hearts. Raelynn agreed and ended the conversation letting me know we needed to visit Popo soon. From babies to loosing loved ones there is no subject left unturned at our house. Each conversation we have I watch Raelynn grow and wonder in amazement at the little person forming. I know if Raelynn and Cooper were books I would jump ahead to see how they turn out and then still be able to go back to Chapter 1 and read intently as the story develops. I would not leave any page unread.

NO INTERNET! WHAT A TRAGEDY!......

I have been without Internet for 4 days now and I cannot tell you how out of touch I feel and there has been so much going on! I am falling further behind every day. Hopefully it will be up and running soon.

This weekend was full of fun. Saturday morning we started the morning bright and early with a pancake feed and then off to run errands. We got home just in time for Raelynn to change into her cowboy boots and Wranglers and head to her first riding lesson. She loved it. She rode for about 30 minutes and Bonnie taught her what she would be expected to do at the competitions. She taught the horse to go by saying "Walk Charm" which cracked me up because the horse did. She learned to stop the horse and back her up. The funniest part was watching her turn the horse. When she wasn't turning Raelynn would just point and say "This way Charm". Bonnie would remind her that Charm could not see her and she had to use the reins. While she was riding Coop and I watched. We were in these stables so there was plenty for Coop to get into. However, there was this friendly cat that constantly approached Coop when I put him down. Cooper was terrified. Finally he touched the cat and to my surprise the cat put his front paws on my leg eager for the petting to continue. Unfortunately, that cat was not declawed and when he pawed at my leg for us to continue petting he clawed my leg. It startled me and I jumped up and scared Cooper. I am pretty sure it will be sometime before Coop pets another cat. The tractor he got to play on though made up for the traumatic cat experience. I have great video and pics I will post later when I am able to. After riding lessons we headed to our friend's house where Terry was installing some carpet. Raelynn had a great time playing with her friend Donovan and I got to enjoy a relaxing visit with Tatum and Eric. After our long day we headed home for bathes and bed.

Cooper has been a maniac lately. He runs around the house like crazy jumping on pillows and diving and rolling around on the floor. I have no idea how his glasses are going to make it. He is doing so much right now. He follows our directions like picking up his toys and even got a towel out and tried to clean up his own spilt milk. He is awesome! He is still working on his words and Raelynn is a huge help. Most people say the older sibling talks for the younger but not in our case. If Coop is wanting something and just grunting Raelynn will say in the sweetest voice, "use your words Buddy, do you want some milk?" We have been working very hard to teach them to play together. Of course Coop is the bothersome little brother and Raelynn gets a little annoyed. This morning they were putting puzzles together and Raelynn was getting frustrated because Cooper kept messing up her puzzle. After she hollered at me to get Coop out of there, from another room I reminded her to include Cooper, get him his own puzzle out. Next I here, "that's ok Mom, he's family, we have to learn to get along, here Buddy put this piece here". Really those moments are indescribable!

We had Cooper's re test for his hearing last night and once again he did not pass. So now we once again call Dr. Kelley and he will run some test of his own. I know Cooper can hear so I am not overly worried but do wish we could get this resolved.

Raelynn is her same crazy self, only getting funnier. I have had to start checking pockets before throwing things in the laundry these days. A few days ago I washed 24 dandelions, yes 24, and 2 pine cones. What is shocking to me is how little her pockets are to stuff that much stuff in them. When I brought to her attention that we were not to put dandelions in our pockets she looked at me with these loving eyes and said, "but I picked them for you Mommy", before I could even react she started to laugh! Her imaginary friends have also been a big source of comedy lately. One day were were talking about her good imaginary friend, Kendra. At the beginning of her story Kendra was 10 and then before I knew it she was saying she was 6. When I asked her about Kendra's age going backwards she just simply says, "that's how imaginary friends grow", as if I should have known. There has also been a lot of talk in our house about marriage and babies. Our neighbor is pregnant and it just seems to have started a whole whirlwind of questions. When Raelynn is exploring a topic, her imaginary friends often become the subjects. So last night on the way home she tells me that Kaka, the bad imaginary friend, has a baby in her tummy. I ask if Kaka is old enough to have a baby in her tummy because last I knew she was 3. Raelynn explained that she was big now and she was married. I asked who she was married to and Raelynn immediately responds, "Larry the Cable Guy." I thought I was going to wreck the car. I have no idea when or where she has ever heard of Larry the Cable Guy but it was hysterical. We have also had discussions about how the baby got in Kaka's tummy. Now I have read and read and read and everything says you should just tell them the truth and use the proper words and so on but come on she is 3! So I start by telling her that there are eggs in the mommy's tummy and the daddy's fertilize them and a baby grows. She concluded recently that this made sense because Daddy fertilizes the grass and it grows so this all seems logical to her. Thank goodness! I can honestly say I have never faced a greater challenge then my daily experiences with my kids but I have also never experienced anything more rewarding. I hope I never forget a minute of it!

So that's what we have been up to. I could go on and on but I will save the rest for later :)

CARDIAC CATHETER SCHEDULED....

We finally received the call today and the cardiac catheter is scheduled for 10:30am on May 21st. I am sure this date will come way too quickly. Coop's ear infection is gone and while at Dr. Kelley's office Coop said "bird" as we looked at a picture of birds and then repeated me as I told him that another picture was of ducks, quack quack. He said "quack". This is so much fun! While Cooper is learning his first words Raelynn has started talking like a valley girl. "Like" this and "like" that. I told her if she said "like" one more time I was going to lick her face. She started to laugh and asked me why. I said I couldn't think of anything else but I really wanted her to stop saying "like". She said, "It is just "like" the way I am talking now, I'm sure it is just a phase!" In complete laughter I told her I hoped it was!

I got an email from Bonnie today and Raelynn has her first riding lesson this weekend. How funny is that. My daughter is taking riding lessons. Her Grandpa will be proud. This whole thing is awesome because it is nothing I would have ever involved her in. It gives her such diversity and I am really excited to see how she likes it. I am sure she will sit atop that horse with the biggest smile ever on her face. I cannot wait!

HAPPY EASTER!

Even though I missed my Mom's big birthday party, we did have a good weekend. Saturday we headed out to Bonnie's for Easter with the Keefer's. We had a great time hunting eggs and of course delicious food. We always have a good time and the kids love it. They love playing with their cousins and being picked on by their Uncle Gary!


This morning of course the Easter Bunny had came and so we had a morning of excitement. Every family has a little different traditions but in ours, the Easter Bunny hides filled eggs and gifts around the house. Then in the kitchen on the bar is the gifts that came from Terry and I and my family. I think my family went a little over board this year as the entire counter was filled. The kids woke up bright and early, before 7am, to see what was waiting for them. Both of their looks of surprise were hilarious!


After that fun, we headed to church and had yet another Easter Egg Hunt there. The kids looked adorable and again had a great time!




I have to say though, the most exciting part of the whole weekend was the fact that Cooper is starting to talk......finally! On Thursday morning I was headed over to Lisa's to drop Coop off and Raelynn had given him a book. I am backing out of the driveway and Coop says, "Book". I hit the brakes and turned around to look at him. I said "book" and Coop repeated "book". It was awesome. He had been saying small words like ball and bath but usually just got the first sound out. Then last night we were getting ready to take a bath and he says "bath" just perfectly. Today when the kids were looking at their Easter stuff Coop points at an egg and says "egg". We all praise him and start to laugh. Tonight Terry let Poho in and Coop was standing by me. He pointed to Poho and said, "Po". I tell you were were so excited and Cooper could tell. He kept walking over to Terry and saying it and then walking of to me and saying it. Then Terry gives him his meds and then I take him to give him his goodnight kisses and hugs, our normal bedtime routine. When I hand him back to Terry he turns and waves and says, "Bye". Really, so in one day Coop decides to start talking. It is awesome! I can't wait to see what he says next.

We hope you all had a Happy Easter!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

Today is my Mom's Birthday! It is not a monumental one but then again isn't every year you have with your mother worth celebrating! Unexpectedly a little get together planned for my Mom's Birthday has turned into a huge surprise birthday party. Unfortunately we were not able to get everything together to be there which is very hard on me because my Mom is there for everything for us. So I want to dedicate this to my Mom since I cannot be there to tell her it in person.

Happy Birthday Mom! We are so sorry we cannot be there, please know we did try very hard to work things out it was just a little too last minute for us to make it. I hope you love your surprise party, I know it will be great! Sherri and Karli have worked very hard not only to get everything ready but to keep it a secret and from what I have heard that has been a very difficult job since you got to Colorado! I know I have on occasion told you how thankful I am for everything you do for us but I want to take a minute now to tell you how thankful I am that I am one of your daughters. You see now I get it. I have two of my own and know they are the greatest gift we could ever receive. I want you to know I am honored to be one of those gifts to you. I know we have had our challenges but I hope through it all you look proudly upon us and feel the way I do each time I look at my children because if you do I know I have given you the greatest gift I ever could. You have taught me to enjoy every second with Raelynn and Cooper. Now I want you to look around and see that today is your day, enjoy every second. This was all done for you because you always do for us. We love you very much and wish you a very Happy Birthday.

OUR VISIT WITH DR KAINE....

Today was Coop's appointment with his cardiologist, Dr. Kaine. We got to CMH and drove in the parking garage and Cooper started crying. Terry and I weren't sure if he was crying because he knew where he was or because it was a little darker. Once we got to the office and they called us back, Cooper started crying. Once Dr. Kaine entered the room, Coop started crying. It was just heartbreaking to know that he remembers and knows now. It also reaffirmed with Terry and I that these next couple procedures are going to be so difficult not only for Cooper but for us. He knows things now and handing him over to the doctors is going to kill us. As for the appointment, Cooper's SAT level was at 81 which is lower but still above 75 where they want it. His blood pressure was high but they disregarded it because he was so upset. He weighed in at 17lbs 11oz....YEA COOPER! They did the EKG but the ECHO machine was having a "melt down" as Dr. Kaine put it so he did not have the test. Dr. Kaine said it was really irrelevant because they already knew our next step....the cardiac catheter. This is the exploratory surgery they always perform before the open heart surgery. This allows them to see exactly what is going on in Coop's heart and lungs so they can decide when will be the best time for the next surgery. Dr. Kaine felt they would have surgery sometime this summer but that will be up to Cooper's surgeon, Dr. O'Brien. So the scheduling team will call me tomorrow and we will schedule the cath sometime in the next 4 to 6 weeks.

Just to give you some sort of idea how wonderful Dr. Kaine is, when he asked if there were any dates we needed to avoid in the next 4 to 6 weeks I did have a Thursday and Friday that would not work. He says, "If I remember right last year at this time we were trying to avoid a graduation and that didn't work out so great." He was right, this time last year we were trying to avoid Steph's graduation and had scheduled the cath a couple weeks before that. Unfortunately Cooper remained in the hospital for a week after the cath and then got out for 2 short days and was back in for surgery. How amazing that he remembered that out of his hundreds of patients. He also had a student with him as usual and was telling her that Cooper was one of their unique cases. He told her that he spent 5 to 7 days on ECMO and her face looked stunned and she said "Oh My!" Dr. Kaine went further to say, "yea this time last year the outlook for Cooper was not too promising." Now Terry and I are well aware how close we were with Cooper but to hear our doctor say it is sobering as Tom described it when I told him. Needless to say tears swell in our eyes easily these days when we think back to last year or forward to what lies ahead. Dr. Kaine followed his recollection of last year with a jolly smile and said "but that was way back then, things are different now and Coop man is getting bigger." He is such a great doctor.

So the catheter is our next step and that will be scheduled soon. Dr. Kaine said if he gets scheduled first thing in a morning he should be home by evening and if he gets scheduled in the afternoon he should be home by the following morning. However he did remind us that Coop does like to through a curve in things so we will take it as it comes!

HOW FAST TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN....

I cannot believe how fast the weekend flew by! The weekend was full of fun! On Saturday we ran around like crazy trying to get things ready for the bowl-a-thon and other errands. Cooper wasn't being very "shopper friendly" so it was a little stressful. He is usually pretty good but he had no patience on Saturday. Then we were off to Kansas City to attend our friends, Riley and Gage, birthday party at Monkey Business. I do not know who had more fun, the kids or Terry! It was great. This amazing family had requested that in place of gifts for the boys, donations be made to Cooper's Cause. It was extremely thoughtful and touching. After the party we headed back to Lawrence for dinner with Steph and Cody. They came up for the bowl-a-thon which we really appreciated. The kids love spending time with them and I think Raelynn has a little crush on Cody. When it came time for bed she asked if Cody could put her to bed and read her story. Then she ended her request with, "but I am not going to kiss him because only Mommies and Daddies do that". This is when I knew we had a little crush forming. How cute is that! I decided it was too early to try to explain to her that it is not polite to go after her Aunt's boyfriend! Steph did a good job controlling her jealousy as well, hahaha! Sunday was the Cooper's Cause Bowl-a-thon. Although I had hoped for a few more people, it was a success! We raised a little over $900 and had a great time. We met some amazing people and had one special family attend as well. They have recently lost their 3 year old daughter, Isabelle, while she was awaiting a heart transplant. Their story is truly inspiring and the fact that they are continuing their efforts in bringing awareness to the most common birth defect is extraordinary. I believe we will stay in close contact with this family and hopefully be able to work together to achieve great things. In addition to bowling we also had a 50/50 Jackpot Drawing. This is where people purchase tickets and then we draw for one lucky winner. The winner takes home 1/2 the jackpot and Cooper's Cause Foundation gets the other half. One of the Mom's from Raelynn's preschool had come up and said she was feeling lucky and bought some tickets. The time came and guess who won?....yep it was this Mom. We all got a good laugh. Then her daughter, came walking up to me, I knelt down as she spoke, "I want to give this back to the help the sick kids." Tears came to my eyes. I hugged her and thanked her. What a wonderfully beautiful thing to do. The things we can learn from kids continues to amaze me. So needless to say, had we not raised a dime, I would have still felt the afternoon to be a success. Thank you again to everyone! Last night when Raelynn got home she said she was too tired to eat (this is becoming common). As always I said that was fine but she would not get anything else until morning. As I put her in the bath she said again that she was just soooo tired. I told her that maybe she should start taking naps again so she wasn't so tired. She said, "No Mom, it's just that I have to keep track of Cooper all day at Lisa's and he makes me so tired!" I could not help but laugh. Cooper does wear a person out but hearing it come from Raelynn as if she were the one in charge was way too funny. Then this morning she tells me she wants to put the Cherry Cheesecake Puzzle together. I am at a loss because I do not know what puzzle she is talking about. She goes to Cooper's room and brings out a Strawberry Shortcake Puzzle. I start to laugh and tell her it is Strawberry Shortcake not Cherry Cheesecake. She says to me "Strawberry Shortcake, Cherry Cheesecake, whatever Mom!" There is not a minute that passes in our household that I am not smiling inside! This also makes me smile. Check out how good Raelynn is getting....

Terry went golfing for the first time this season and look who was at home practicing....


So one more fun thing! One of our best friend's became famous today. Kelly Ballard and her son Kaden are shown on the March Madness highlight video. Kelly was watching it with Brett last night after the championship game and had no idea they were on it. As she was about to say "awe what a sweet".......she realized it was she and Kaden. Check this out! Watch for the Mom and her adorable son....
"One Shining Moment"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY7eSsW4D90
What a great keepsake!

GREAT NEWS ON THE EARS.....

Cooper just has a really bad ear infection and that is probably why he failed the screening. I never knew we would be so happy about and ear infection. Dr. Kelley was shocked that Coop didn't have any indicators like fever, loss of appetite, fussiness but he had not given us any indication. So he has medicine for 10 days and then they will rescreen his hearing.